Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Things I've Come to Realize

1. Videogames were a lot harder when I was younger. We didn't have online FAQs and complete walkthroughs and cheat codes online that we could look up before we even started the game. We had to play the same level over and over for days with trial and error until finally, a week later, we made it past the flaming zombies and biting goats to level 3. Yeah we would get pissed and throw the controller and swear obscenities and then our mom would come in and take the 64 away for the day. But it made us better people. Today's kids are soft.


Oh, and Pokemon will never be as cool as it was when I was 9.


2. Radric Davis and DeAndre Way, aka Gucci Mane and Soulja Boy are the two worst high profile "musicians" today, for different reasons. Gucci has steadily gone downhill into an abyss of mental instability in recent months, highlighted by his time spent at a psychiatric ward due to mental incompetency in court. Oh yeah, and he has a giant ice cream cone tattooed on the side of his face.

Soulja Boy on the other hand is an arrogant kid with less lyrical talent than a 8 year old boy who was raised in the wild by wolves. With beats that sound like a drunk stumbling into a recording studio and pressing buttons, and hooks and refrains that consist of 4 words repeated over and over, its baffling how he still makes millions of dollars. I saw Soulja Boy in concert (he was part of an opening act for Wayne),  and I couldn't even hear his pathetic excuse for lyrics because every 4 seconds there was a deafening gunshot sound effect that cancelled out all the other noise. Congratulations DeAndre, you go out everyday and do your job terribly, and still drive home in a bentley.
      


3. Will Ferrel is a one trick pony, but I will still watch every movie he's in no matter how bad it is

4. Relationships are nice, but overrated when you're 22. People rushing to get married because they're afraid they'll be alone forever need to cut that shit out. I'll give you that there are fairy tale marriages where highschool sweethearts stay together for 60 years and its a beautiful thing, but playing the odds I'd much rather stay a bachelor for a few extra years than get hitched quick and deal with the lifelong scars from an all but guaranteed divorce.

5. I can't tell the difference between pepsi and coke. People tell me there is but I can't tell at all. Coke has funnier commercials though


6. I can't draw as well as I could when I was in high school. I can't play basketball as well either.

7. I will never be a clean freak / organized person.

8. Technology will get to the point where you can buy the best, high-techiest, fastest cell phone with every application and upgrade possible, and it will be supplanted in 7 days by something twice as capable.

9. Nothing you see in a magazine with models in it is real, Photoshop is so seamless now you could make me look like Fabio and no one would question it.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Stand Up And The Like

I'm a big fan of stand up comedy. The jokes and stories by some of these guys are so ingenious and hilarious I'm literally left crying alone in my room. Here's my five favorite comedians, I absolutely recommend checking them out if you haven't heard of them.

5. Karl Pilkington / The Ricky Gervais Show


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJxcQt6nCC0&feature=related

The Ricky Gervais show is a podcast / radio show from the BBC that recently got turned into a cartoon on HBO. The show is basically Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant having "pointless conversations" with the witless Karl. It seems that Karl isn't necessarily trying to be funny, but the things that he says are so ridiculous and ignorant you can't help but laugh.

4. Kyle Kinane


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK329U4Cmk0&feature=related

Kyle Kinane is a 30 something year old up and coming comic. He reminds me of a fatter, lazier Mitch Hedberg, but he tells stories rather than one-liners he thought up while he was blazed out of his mind.

3. Katt Williams


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLDitGAUrno

If you haven't heard of Katt before you need to crawl out from the rock you've been living under and watch the funniest 5-foot-nothing pimp alive.

2. Louis CK


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fmban3Fio14

Louis CK has been in the business for a long time. He's had 2 tv shows and multiple specials on HBO, and for good reason. He has a reputation of being pessimistic, sarcastic and vulgar - it's hilarious.

1. Brian Regan


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAZXQItJs0M

My first ever stand up show was Brian Regan at the Pabst Theater in Milwaukee. By the end of the show I felt like I just did an extreme ab workout or something because my stomach hurt so bad from laughing. All of his content is relatable from awkward social interactions we've all been in to the humiliation of being forced to play little league baseball.

With Friends Like These...

I have an epic group of friends.
Two of them, T and AO, talk more shit to each other than any other people I know, to the point where I want to strangle them with a phone charger. T is like one of those little chihuahua dogs that doesn't ever shut up and keeps yipping in your ear till you punt it. AO is like one of those really old guys in a wheelchair at the senior home that is always going on about how he was the shit in the past and no one will ever be as great as him. When you put them together in a room neither one will shut up until the other one passes out from exhaustion. This video is just a tiny sample of what I hear 24/7/365. Idiots.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Cool Shit



Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All
Tyler the Creator and Earl Sweatshirt are ridiculous, still can't believe neither one can legally drink...

















Tracy Mcgrady, still my all time favorite NBA player. You could've been playing for the Bulls right now you dumbass, smh.

Oh well, this is still one of the sickest individual performances in the last decade.




Went to 3 movies this past week. Did this every time. Facepalm.

What I used to believe would happen on airplanes

I just got back from NYC on Monday, and it was the first time I had flown in a few years. When I got on the plane and sat down I instantly remembered how when I was younger I would freak out that my Gameboy would accidentally turn on and the pilots would lose control of the plane from the electrical interference, and we would crash and burn to our deaths. I have to say, even 13 years later, I still checked my ipod from time to time during the flight to make sure I didn't turn it on in my pocket...