So0o0o0o0o0o I started this blog when I was still in college and got into for all of, a month, and then let it kind of sputter out and die. But, lately I've had a lot of thoughts and emotions and what not, and feel like I should put it out somewhere. So I'm just going to type for a while and whatever happens happens.
I'm at a very interesting point in my life. I'm settling into my new get-up in Boston (it's been 4 months but I still feel very new). I still can't really believe that I made the move. It was poorly planned and kind of a on-a-whim thing that could have really gone either way. It all worked out great and I'm very happy, but looking back it was definitely a leap of faith that things would just sort themselves out. I do miss my life back in La Crosse and all the friends I made in college. Those were the happiest days I've ever had and sometimes when I look back at Facebook pictures I get pretty sad.
But, I made the move here for a reason - I wasn't happy there anymore - and I firmly believe it was a totes good choice.
I have this job at a mental health agency that's OK, but it's not what I really want to to do. I keep catching myself thinking "Oh I know so much more than these people, I worked at Chileda, blah blah blah", and I know I need to knock it off. I despise people who are arrogant or think they know so much more than their peers, and I just need to slow down and remember just because I did things differently at my old job doesn't mean they were better approaches or methods than the ones used at my new job. Anyway, I think it comes down to just feeling complacent with where things are. I don't feel this overwhelming sensation of "I'm walking down the career path I know I'm going to love!" I know I have to go back to school and that's terrifying and something that I subconsciously avoid because I've had so much trouble getting back in so far. I live with 4 extremely smart people in this townhouse in Brighton a few minutes outside the city, and they are awesome but I feel inadequate sometimes. They're all working/have completed graduate school programs that are impressive fields, and I've been out of undergrad for three years with great experience but little to show for it. Just to be clear, I'm happy with where I'm at and am enjoying life, but these are the things that tug me down here and there.
Going along with school, it seems like everyone my age is getting engaged/married/preggers. And I feel like I've been saying that for a few years now. Mid-twenties is pretty standard nowadays for getting married - people meet in college or their professional jobs, date for a few years and then tie the knot. It just seems so foreign to me. I think my parents got married at my age..... But I feel like a giant kid still, and when I see dads and husbands my age in public they seem so much older and maturer. I'm happy for all these people starting their new lives with their partners, but part of me is jealous and part of me gets scared that time is running out. It sounds stupid, I'm only 25, but it's still a feeling I get.
Dating has always been nerve racking for me, and I think it is for most people thrusting themselves out there into sometimes awkward situations, hoping that perfect person finds them and everything goes fairytale. I've been single for about a year, which is probably the longest I've been single since I started dating in college. I've had long and short relationships, awesome memories and terrible regrets. I tend to not be friends with ex's, which I think is the best case scenario - they can be tricky and conflicting feelings can cause people to do ridiculous things. I've never been a ladies man and tend to fall back into the crowd in big social settings like bars and parties (which is surprisingly easy to do even when you're 6'5"), but I like to think that as I've gotten older I've cared less about what other people think and just try to be myself (cliche' alert) rather than try to be this loud, life of the party bro that society makes me think I should be. All in all, I think everything's going to be alright, there's somebody out there for everybody right?!
Anyway, I think that's enough for now. If you actually read through this you deserve an award. I'm gonna go watch Thursday night football because even though the league is an embarrassing mess I'm American and you can't tell me what to do.
-Noah
